I've been trying not to stress out over things I can't change. 

When I was in high school and I'd get a poor letter grade, my mom used to scream at me about her disappointment et cetera et cetera. My dad would rarely get involved, but one time he stepped in and said to my mom, "So what? What is your yelling going to do? It's already done." 

Maybe because I'm out of the house and more removed from any reminder of my adolescent shortcomings, but I find myself thinking about what my dad said that night more often than ever. 

Living with friends has been challenging in every cliché way they tell you but you don't necessarily believe until you're actually in the situation yourself. They say you end up hating the people you live with, and that's definitely not the case here - but it hasn't been peachy, either. 

For example, I thought I'd be baking more than ever without my mom constantly whining about the mess in the kitchen, and here I find myself privately whining about the mess in the kitchen. Seeing dirty dishes in the sink, pans on the stove, and crowded counter space is discouraging because I know inevitably I will clean up a mess that isn't mine before I can begin to make my own mess. 

I mean, I'm no angel either. Any of the half-full cups around the house can probably be traced back to my forgetfulness and the fact that I probably drink a tenth of the water that I should be drinking. I've added to stacks of dishes in the sink after 9 hour work days when I just want to eat and sleep before I do it all again in the morning. 

I don't want to disparage my friends or express anything but mild annoyance here. It's not worth the trouble, because I can't change what my roommates do. I can only change what I do. 

And what can I do? I can get angry about dirty dishes, or I can wash the dishes. I can get angry about changing the toilet paper roll in our bathroom, or I can change the roll. When you present these things to yourself as mutually exclusive "OR" statements, instead of "AND" statements, it's easier to remove your emotions from the action that needs be done. 

Not to say there isn't a place for anger. Any sociologist will tell you - anger is the root of revolution. Anger forces change. Anger and passion are tools to be used when a situation is too much to bear.

Anger has brought forth the Black Lives Matter movement, and anger is giving women nation-wide the strength to march today in protest of a political regime that stands to obliterate the resources women have continuously (and angrily!) fought for. Anger has allowed the marginalized to wrest recognition from the powerful who held their eyes fixed on their wallets and far from injustice.

There are those who argue that there's no place for anger in political protests. That anger never solves anything, and that anger only leads to disruption and destruction. I would firmly remind them that anger is the foundation of political protests. And destruction? It's an expression of anger, sure. But they are not one and the same. 

I can't change the fact that I burnt this tart to shit. I can't change the fact that the tart shell snapped in half when I tried to remove it from the pan. I can't change the fact that I occasionally will need to clear my own space in the kitchen. There's no point in anger here.

But the things we can change? Hell yeah. Get pissed. Just recognize when you can use your anger, and when you're being used by it.

Pâte Sablée

Ingredients

• 8 tbsp (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened to room temp
• 1/3 cup powdered sugar
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour

Method

• In the bowl of a standing mixer, cream the butter and sugar together.
• Beat in the egg yolk, scraping down the bowl as needed.
• On low speed, add the salt and flour. Beat only until no streaks of flour remain and the dough comes together. The dough is ready if it holds its shape when pinched.
• Cover the dough in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes. Remove from the fridge 10 minutes before rolling. Pre-heat your oven to 375°F.
• Unwrap the dough, and place it in between two long pieces of parchment or wax paper. Roll the dough (between the parchment, so it doesn't stick to your rolling pin) into the shape of your tart pan, 1/8" thick and with 1/2" overhang. Peel off the top parchment, then place your greased tart pan cavity-side down onto your dough. Invert both the dough and the pan. 
• With the remaining parchment still on the dough, gently press the dough into shape. Smooth out the dough in circular motions, with the parchment still on to prevent any deep indents from your fingers. 
• If your parchment has some overhang, pour pie weights or dry beans (I used pinto beans) into the cavity of the tart. If your parchment is too short, peel it off and replace it before adding the pie weights.
• Bake the tart dough with the pie weights for about 25 minutes, or until the edges just start to brown. Remove the pie weights and bake for an additional 7-10 minutes, until the center of the tart is golden.
• Remove from the oven and let cool in the tart pan on a wire cooling rack.

Black Sesame Pastry Cream

Ingredients

• 2 cups whole milk
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup + 2 tbs all-purpose flour
• 6 egg yolks
• 1 tbs butter
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 tbs black sesame paste
• 1 tbs toasted black sesame seeds

Method

• Heat the milk in a medium sized saucepan until scalding.
• Beat the sugar and the egg yolks together in the bowl of an electric mixer on medium high until pale yellow.
• Reduce the speed to medium, beat in the flour. Reduce speed to medium-low, and slowly drizzle in the hot milk.
• Pour the custard back into the saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil for 1-2 minutes, to thicken. 
• Remove from the heat, stir in the butter until melted. Stir in vanilla, black sesame paste, and toasted black sesame seeds. Let the cream come to room temperature.
• Cover with plastic wrap directly touching the surface of the cream to prevent a skin forming, then chill until ready to assemble the tart.

Chocolate Hazelnut Whipped Cream

Ingredients

• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/2 cup chocolate hazelnut spread (like Nutella)

Method

• In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the heavy cream on high until soft peaks form. 
• Fold in the chocolate hazelnut spread, then continue beating until stiff peaks form. Chill until ready to assemble the tart.

Raspberry Drizzle

Ingredients

• 1 8oz basket of raspberries
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup water

Method

• Combine all the ingredients in a small saucepan and cook over medium heat. While mixing with  a wooden spoon, crush the raspberries. The sugar should dissolve and the mixture should thicken after about 7 minutes.
• Transfer the mixture to a blender and purée until smooth. Strain the mixture of the seeds into a measuring cup, then allow to cool to room temperature. 

Assembly

Extra Ingredients

• 1/4 cup melted chocolate
• toasted sesame seeds
• whole raspberries
• fresh mint leaves

Method

• Remove the tart shell from its pan, then coat the inside with the melted chocolate. Refrigerate for 5 minutes to set the chocolate.
• Use a rubber spatula or offset spatula to evenly spread the black sesame pastry cream inside the tart. 
• Drizzle the raspberry sauce with a spoon or squeeze bottle. Scatter the whole raspberries and mint leaves, then add dollops of the hazelnut whipped cream. Sprinkle the toasted sesame seeds over the whole thing.
• Profit.